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Thursday, June 9, 201111:51 PM As my blog is known as hero lust, here's to the unsung heroes in my life that never get quite enough credit (: That's the friends, the family, teachers and even the kind strangers...! Everday (no, I'm not shuffling...AHAHAHA) I'm surrounded by amazing people with good hearts making the world a better place for no gain. (Here comes the paradox!) It inspires me that they can inspire me (an half-arsed ceebs kid) into becoming a better person; that one individual (i.e. myself) could become a better person from seeing another do what is right and selfless. I want to contribute that philosophy to the world, too! I want to help people and inspire others to just go that little bit further everyday for the people around them.
A perfect example of this social exchange is on public transport. In a sea of expressionless faces, it's nice to see a smile. Not a creepy perpetual smile (paedo-ey >:D), but just something every now and then. PLUS. Sitting vs. Not sitting. I choose get up even when I've bought a ticket because I hope that someone else will be inspired by my random act of kindness. All I ask for in return is a thank you and some respect. I find it intolerable that some people find it acceptable to disrespect me and shove me aside just because I am "a school kid". I've paid for that seat I've just given to you, what's in your right to talk to me in that tone? It's just something that really gets to me because it reverses so much of what I believe in. Helping people with prams and luggage. Enough of that...! (: Cite my birthday here (: It was definitely a day where my heroes shone brightly. My cake (Rilakkuma! :D) and prezzies were wonderful and must have taken a load of work to put together. I thank my beautiful atoms who work so hard to make each birthday special. And (for the love of music - kpop in this instance) the most supportive and wonderful crew ever to exist, I Just Got K'd who celebrated my birthday with me to make the favourite day of my week even better! Also Jaye (haters, gon be hatin', but you got nothin' on Jaye!) who so sweetly shouted my class and everyone at CO (Reese, Hannah, Kwan) who wished me well. (and the facebook well wishers haha). These are the people who have made me the person I am today and for them, I will be the best person I can be to make the world a happier place to live in for everyone (: MUCH LOVE. I hope whoever reads this had taken something away from this when they go (: Sure, "When you do the right thing, people aren't sure if you've done anything at all"...BUT "People can be saved by people with good hearts" (: I hope I've made a difference. Wednesday, March 23, 201111:15 PM  My letter. Stay true to it. It's time to begin.
It makes me so sad to know you hate a part of yourself I love so much. Guys, learn to love yourself. That's what I wished for this 11.11. The music: B2ST & Taylor Swift Sunday, March 13, 201111:43 PM Just finished a heck load of PD notes so I'm taking a break before doing some English (: There are some things that you just can't say were not meant to happen (translation of yao dee yeah mmm doe nei wah hay mmm jeng deng ga) I believe things happen for a reason and you just have to take them as they come. The universe gives you signs of what's to come or reasons why things have happened and in the end they always make sense. Do you know what to do? (:
Updated my Kpop songs. Now I have 2ne1, miss A, Big Bang's Tonight! (much love. ) and put Change, Don't Go Home and BABY GOOD NIGHT into my Kpop playlist. :) I think my iPod is a very happy chappy this weekend :P As a blog about the dance & music I must mention the current experience of dance I have! (i.e. Upstaged, Lay and fun and games at dance) There's a sense of contentment when it comes to dance right now. Since Upstaged is coming up, Lay has been a very nice individual to me in front to the other classmates. When it's just us it's a different story, but at least it's some of the time. Asking him to be nice all the time would be pushing my luck :P At least he's capable to being nice if he want to be. I hope that one day Lay learns to appreciate his students as much as they appreciate him. (: And I hope this happens as we get closer to showcase and work hard together! Whilst on the topic of popping class, I hope the new people who have joined in the last couple of weeks do showcase, too. I mean, Lay isn't exactly a cupcake (W;t reference! :D), but he's a good teacher and based solely on that merit he deserves a class. I'm only going to be there for another couple of months anyways. He's taught me everything I know and I can't be ungrateful for that just because he doesn't like me (: OKAY. Upstaged. Hopefully I'll get to do WD, LOAM and Lay's. I just have to gather the funds...Doing Lucifer's a little much. I don't have the money LOL Unless I extract it from the Leslie Fund! xD ...wait I forget that that's my money anyway! T^T Haha. But I'll defos get the money for those 3 YEAHHH D: ...beg if I have to. I see another video coming on xD On the topic of Leslie Funds --> Have not thanked Leslie (Hot Leslie) and Kelvin (&Eggs) for the enjoyable experience they make dance for me. Sure their immaturity gets the better of them sometimes and they never act their own age, but it's nice to not need to be grown up sometimes in public. Sure I do it at school and at dance and at home, but it's different in public. Just a shout out to say I'm glad I met you guys under the conditions that we did because I couldn't imagine any other way we would have been friends. I will continue to love dance and experience it with different people and different styles (: thanks to everyone for everything so far! Saturday, March 12, 20119:28 PM RUN, DEVIL, RUN for your life.
Behave, you're a bad boy more curious than in love All this time I have been blindly fooled by you You're no fun, you have no manners you're a devil you are, you are This post is to ease all the disappointment I have experienced with Lay this week. I used to believe that there was some good to him; that the arrogance was just a front. My misplacement of trust leaves me feeling betrayed and questioning of my own judge of character. I'd always felt that people I had a good feeling about would turn out to be good people despite who they seemed to be with others. It was something I'd always felt so sure of myself about, but after finding out what type of person Lay is, I'm not so sure any more. I'll come back even better and I'll get revenge. Don't forget it. You better run, run, run, run, run... You're caught red handed, you provoked me Run devil devil run, run My admiration for Lay's popping skills really clouded my best judgement. I placed trust in Lay that someone so great at something couldn't possibly be so terrible. Perhaps since someone as amateur as me has placed dance as something so much more than a tool to impress, I would have expected more from the teacher than the student. There are so many people I hold in the same light as Lay because of their dancing skills. Have I jumped to quickly into the conclusion that they are good people? Are these people what they seem for the merit people they are good to give them? I always knew you were a bad boy, I used to think that it was cool. Until now I hadn't met someone that was truly bad. Why I was in the shower, I cleared my head and realised something I'd promise myself about dance. One. To dance for love not hate. And two. That I had to pick who was going to lead me to greatness. Even if that person isn't supposed to be Lay, my thought are with him. You used to be what I would DANCE for, But then you went and stabbed my heart. I wished for Lay earlier. Wished that he'd stop being a douche and that he'd be able to see the terrible person he was being. One without bedside manner either. Before this I had wished countlessly that under his guidance I would become someone great. I hoped that he'd change for the better, dance for the better. How much gratitude I had for him, all the good I saw in him, the privilege I felt for him teaching me was all swept clean in one night. There are so many TEACHERS in this world, so it doesn't matter if you're not there Until the day I find a TEACHER than ALSO cares for me, I'll wait by myself I hope that there will be a day these feelings of betrayal can be removed. One day when Lay realises this is not the way to live and learns to dance for love, not approval, or praise or merit. I don't want you to be alone, Lay. Learn to love. Saturday, March 5, 20117:22 PM Feeling down today! :( Awkward awkward happened at tutor. xD And I like full legged it bro D: Had to buy new pants and hence was late to Alan's class. A whole half an hour! I was so sad! I bought him Soothers because I was eavesdropping yesterday, ks? I admit it. Haha. For his own good! Will write FOR ALAN in texta on it next time. (:
Realised how selfish I was today! I guess I'm going to have to learn to be more assertive (: And not just sneak stuff around. I'm just in such a rotten mood and I feel bad. Guess I'm taking impressing Alan too seriously :P But yeah just want some recognition for my effort :( Left it on the counter and Kwan ate it instead == Then gave it to Studio and Kwan STILL ate it. CHEEEEE. "I just get some from Jaye" It's the same stick of soothers dumb one. Perhaps I'm just being bitter because Kwan basically wishes that I didn't exist to hinder him for his other friends and popping endeavours, but that's just it. WHAT. A. DOUCHE. My use to him has been served. He no longer wishes for any association with me unless he knows no one else and feels like a loser without company. I likewise won't tolerate that last resort treatment any longer and I guess I'll just give him what he wants. I understand. He's reaching for something further than what I am. FIIIINE. But if you ever read this, just take a look at what you've become. On the other hand, I must keep my head clear. I tell myself dance for love, not hate. I'm not going to dance to be better than him. I'm going to dance because I love dancing and I find it a privilege in my life to have the oppotunity to do it. Everything I promised before still stands and will stand for as long as dance is a part of my life. Took Alan's class for the first time yesterday. I love it (: Minus the weird leg hitting. He's so NGAWWW. So cute <3 WOO ALAN! I just look up to him so much and I feel so lucky to be able to learn popping from him. He works my muscles hard and I was caning. xD Took locking straight after. Leslie's a great teacher, too (: Locking is a happy dance. It spreads the love <3 To learn from Leslie is such a privilege. He's such a nice guy and locking really describes him as a person. Took both classes with Gusti. I look up to his popping and though I've never seen it in action, I'd probably looking up to his locking, too. (: NEVER LOSE SIGHT ABOUT WHAT DANCE MEANS TO YOU. When you recognise it's something that tells the world who you are and not a means of being impressive, that's when dance will mean so much more. Groove first, technique later. <3 It's the groove that makes it yours. As exactly what SoulXpress says (in a nutshell, this post is all about): Recognise - Respect - Represent Tuesday, February 1, 201111:18 PM My brother's away on rural prac right now so I've claimed his room as my study. MUAHAHA. Anyway, I know he keeps his record of academic achievement in the 2nd drawer so out of curiosity today, I went through his merit certificates and senior reports. I felt so unworthy in comparison to the consistency at school and achievement he had amongst his year group.
For the first time in my life, I'd felt like my mum's continuous comparison with my brother was justified and not a "crazy Asian ideal that could no longer be upheld in today's society". The bag with his bundle of certificates was a couple of kilos. I've never received an certificate for anything at school. His school certificate, straight As, all marks over 90; mine blemished with two Bs and a C. Westpac, all distinctions. 95 and 42 for ext 1 & 2. For the first time ever, I feel scared of the HSC. Genuinely scared. I feel like I have wasted so much time and I don't know if I'm going to be alright. Up until now, I'd always trusted myself to do satisfactorily, but now, I'm not so sure. Sure, you could give me the excuse of the difference in our school's "sample of NSW student" to make me feel better, but I'm meant to be one of these kids that are in that select sample. I'm supposed to be just as smart as the rest of the school...but I'm obviously not. In her final School captain address, Sibella Matthews had touched on something that every NSG feels at least once. The "Compared to the rest of the state..." or "In almost every other school..." or "All of the girls at North Sydney Girls is...". But it will never help. We'll feel just as bad. From this day forward. No more distractions. All work and minimal play. (Dance is my slight exception :( ) Carmen's studying for the higher school certificate. Wish me luck. Sunday, January 30, 201111:38 PM These couple of days, I've found out a lot about myself. (: For the last half a year, my dance has been on a steady (or...not so much xD) increase in skill, fun and enjoyment. Physically, I'm fitter than I've been in YEARS probably and mentally, I've matured a lot through dance!
Thanks dance, I owe it all to you. This past week, my self-confidence has...told me a lot about myself. My new commitment to dance is showing me all the possibilities that had been held back by my (let's just call them) dance anxieties. It has been difficult to let go of my fear of judgement and disapproval. I hate having the limelight, being the centre of attention. All I have ever asked for was to be acknowledged when I deserved it. I liked being a little over shadowed. I always made me feel like an underdog, without expectation and safe. I had my first battle this week which was also my first time I freestyled in front of anyone. To do it in front of Kwan and Lay was a big leap for me. My previous freestyle attempts were...less successful, let's just say. Having a whole week to ready myself mentally was a big help. I didn't feel like I was put on the spot. I guess I'm glad I added Lay on facebook after all :P --> which sparked this whole thing xD the world works the way it works. Don't question it. (: Yes, I am a little girl. :P What chu gonna do about it? LOL Alan and Keanu looking at the new crop and stalking us was funny, but kinda sweet...(: They seem like such wonderful people who I look up to and respect. I'm glad I shared those multiple awkward moments at the door with them! Such a tender age and already so skilful! Here is my vow to go to Alan's class once I outgrown Lay's! (: Because I have bad memories with being a noob in Keanu's class HAHAHAHA. It will be sad to say goodbye to Lay though! I'm not looking forward to it. :/ I've also realised the value of humility in the face of greatness. (: Just because you're good, it doesn't mean that everyone needs to know it. In my battle, I would have accepted defeat graciously. (: I hate showing off. xD I hate show offs/attention seekers. Especially around people whom I respect and are too big of a person to show you down. Someone I really respect was joked about this week. The people talking had no cruel intentions, so I can't really blame them, but it highlighted how people often forget about all the hard work people put into their art. One day, I hope to be one of those people and I won't matter how I look like, but it will matter what type of person I am. I hope this person continues to shine on the dance scene and give me someone to aspire to. With my maturing self-confidence has come my maturity in thinking. I've figured out what I want and don't want in other parts of my life and reiterated the fact that I'm perfectly happy flying solo. I'm not sure if I'm the settler or reacher (for Reap's sake, I put this in here! xD HIMYM FTW~) because I'm a different girl from eight/nine months ago. Then, it would have been obvious, now it's not. I'm just sayin' I want a man, not a boy. Haha I love dance and a large part of it is the familial feeling from our common passion! The Sunday wedding dress dance class really take the cake on feeling "together". It's the mess-about-syndrome class that I don't have to take too seriously unlike popping :P When I'm with those people, I like to think of the whole lot of us as one big Crossover Family. I feel like we're only going to get closer as the weeks pass and share more laughs and good times. Thank you TY class for making my Sundays worth the wait! Acting silly and sharing dance is the perfect way to end the week. Meeting Popo before the $2 battle was nice (: I'd always hear about his legend, his name and it was a big deal to finally meet him. At least under the circumstances we met we'll have something to follow up on the next time we see each other Haha. This week has indeed been eventful in Carpie's world of dance! Like my other post said, never forget to give due credit and it's about that time. (: Bec Dearest, Beddy. You have the biggest credit when it comes to me and dance. :D About half a year ago, you brought me up those DK stairs and took me to my first (street) dance lesson ever and I was just kept going back. Without you, dance and I wouldn't exist. It would not bring so much happiness in my life and I would not be who I am today. Thank you so much. SO SO MUCH. You also gave me and still give me countless memorable moments in dance class to cherish and remember. Thanks again Begugu~ Jaye If Jaye was not my first teacher, I don't know if I'd love dance as much as I do. He taught me, not only my (touch yourself) dance moves, but also how to love it (dance, not touching yourself). Jaye's contagious charisma and charm makes dance an enjoyable activity still and he's a great teacher. Thanks Jaye! Lay I have many things to thank Lay for. As my first and only (minus the fail Keanu lesson T^T) popping teacher, he has taught me everything I know about my style. Sometimes I don't know if he does it on purpose or not, but he knows just what to do. Thanks for being so considerate of me and my hate of freestyling! xD And how considerate you were for posting on my Facebook wall after our (Kwan + I's) battle. I made me feel better about myself than I really should have. LOL And keeping the winner of the battle a secret (: It was nice to think either way. Haha. Thank you for everything up to this point, Lay. Kwan My popping man. (Y) Thanks for always egging me on and helping me to become a better person through popping. Haha. He probably doesn't know what he's done exactly, but to me, battling Kwan made me a better person. Before this week, I was such an egomanical and petty person, but thinking about dance has showed me the bigger picture very clearly. You may always bully me, but I know deep inside, Kwan's only doing the best for both of us, so thanks Kwan! Gay Stick, Dudu, De Jian, Jeff, Sam, Trav, Jason You guys are always pushing me to show you what I've got and that has really helped because watching you guys makes me think of what I can be in the future. I'm sure once you guys were awkward, self-conscious noobs, too (don't deny it, women) >:D but now, you guys don't stress about showing your skills at all. You guys have also made fitting into dance easy for me and not opting to segregate me was a very nice thing to do. I would have been hard starting from scratch, but you guys have given me people to rely on from the get go. I thank you guys for that. (: I will always be grateful. Because dancing by yourself in front of EC is never fun (: Renee Well Fabfab is always around encouraging me and reminding me that just because I'm a girl, it doesn't mean I can't beat the boys though street dance is dominated by guys xD Thanks for sticking around man! Would be chicken as without you! (: Wei Wei (&Josie!) My first "Ngawww we're like buddies" teacher moment for me came when Wei Wei offered to teach me for free (: He always hi fives at the end of class. Made me feel loved :D You're awesome Wei Wei, thanks! Alan & Keanu (AK47!) Ah, getting to AK47 haha. They're "my age" yet their already leagues and leagues away from me. These two guys are some of my biggest inspirations and I want to be like them one day (: They're so great and so young and so humble and nice! (Yeah, pretty much all of CO family is like that!) We ARE the same age...ish. LOL (: Looking forward to making new friends and I climb the popping ranks >:D You guys are my greatest inspiration, thanks for...existing...and being my age...? I don't know hahaha LOL Crossover instructors & reception & students Learning about something you love under the conditions that CO Studios is in is a great experience. There's just so much love and support all around you! Kudos back to Jaye for starting CO. I wouldn't trade my ties with it for the world (: Thanks to everyone there making my life happier and healthier. I couldn't ask anymore from you. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! People who have just entered the dance scene. I hope you love it as much as I do Good luck! (: Mention to Reaps who went to CO for the first time last week xD I'm so happy for you that your love for dance is being nurtured at Crossover. It was a wonderful place to start (: Whatever path you take on your dance journey, we'll be right behind you! (: Good luck! |
uh huh, listen boy  All about the music All about the dance All about the love my first love story my angel Formspring Haha :S Clearly going all out on this blog :P Access to Formspring only via this blog, lucky you guys, no? :) Have Fun~ and my girls (and boys! :) ) 
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