|
Tuesday, February 1, 201111:18 PM My brother's away on rural prac right now so I've claimed his room as my study. MUAHAHA. Anyway, I know he keeps his record of academic achievement in the 2nd drawer so out of curiosity today, I went through his merit certificates and senior reports. I felt so unworthy in comparison to the consistency at school and achievement he had amongst his year group.
For the first time in my life, I'd felt like my mum's continuous comparison with my brother was justified and not a "crazy Asian ideal that could no longer be upheld in today's society". The bag with his bundle of certificates was a couple of kilos. I've never received an certificate for anything at school. His school certificate, straight As, all marks over 90; mine blemished with two Bs and a C. Westpac, all distinctions. 95 and 42 for ext 1 & 2. For the first time ever, I feel scared of the HSC. Genuinely scared. I feel like I have wasted so much time and I don't know if I'm going to be alright. Up until now, I'd always trusted myself to do satisfactorily, but now, I'm not so sure. Sure, you could give me the excuse of the difference in our school's "sample of NSW student" to make me feel better, but I'm meant to be one of these kids that are in that select sample. I'm supposed to be just as smart as the rest of the school...but I'm obviously not. In her final School captain address, Sibella Matthews had touched on something that every NSG feels at least once. The "Compared to the rest of the state..." or "In almost every other school..." or "All of the girls at North Sydney Girls is...". But it will never help. We'll feel just as bad. From this day forward. No more distractions. All work and minimal play. (Dance is my slight exception :( ) Carmen's studying for the higher school certificate. Wish me luck. |
uh huh, listen boy  All about the music All about the dance All about the love my first love story my angel Formspring Haha :S Clearly going all out on this blog :P Access to Formspring only via this blog, lucky you guys, no? :) Have Fun~ and my girls (and boys! :) ) 
my sunshine July 2010 August 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 June 2011 uh uh let's go! Do not remove this! tyvm. Basecode: summerkisses. & bangthewall. Designer: sb-bang. |